We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
