Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
