Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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