I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
