You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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