turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
