Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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