East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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