my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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