i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
