i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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