I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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