ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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