if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope mine doesn't look like that
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
