So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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