Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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