His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
