is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
