I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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