I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
