I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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