She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
