while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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