She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
