btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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