Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
