My nipple is on Facebook.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
