I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
