just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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