This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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