Can i not drive my cunt home
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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