she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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