There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
