I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize