but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize