ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
