id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize