i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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