The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
