i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
