i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
