Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
