I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
