I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
