Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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