Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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