Yo dont text me then not text me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
