I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
