He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
