so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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