I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
