dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
3 2 1 whiskey
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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