If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i think i just lost a toe
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
