smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
