Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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