i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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