Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
