She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's always time for handjobs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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