wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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