yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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