It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
