i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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