I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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