but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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