i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
