Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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