Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
