I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
