I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
