so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
