I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
