Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
