a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize