i already hear my dad disowning me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
