I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
