She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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