She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
