Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
