I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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