just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
