im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I didn't notice because vodka
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
